Today’s Featured Post & About This So-Called “Ingrid Tischer”

Today’s Featured Post, What, me? Genetically Defective? Edition:

Before I Resist and Persist, I Must Exist: Bioethical Choice, Living “Like That,” and Working the Early Shift of Cleaning Up Ableist Narratives

It’s very easy easy for people to forget when they’re casually saying to me that someone’s pregnancy was terminated — of course — because of an abnormality, that it’s like they’re casually remarking what a shitty country I come from. My body is my home. My body is my country. My body is not a place I want to flee. I am not at war with my body. I do not want to be exiled from it.

 


Who Is This So-Called “Ingrid Tischer”?

a rather lovely shot of stars in the night sky

Ingrid Tischer, making her brief appearance in the Heavy Snacks constellation. Discovered by Norse nightskyologist Uff Kors Eisseeiht.

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“Coming up on the red carpet is Ingrid Tischer in a Bi-Pap S/T by Respironics. Look at the Velcro detailing. Apnea-wear is SO on trend for evening this year.” (Photo courtesy of Ken Stein.)

Ingrid Tischer was born in a pirate’s dinghy off the coast of Sardonica during the Regency period and is now an aspiring recluse whose bon mots enchant the tens of people who read her work. She also claims to be a woman who has a form of muscular dystrophy (MD), a congenital, degenerative neuromuscular disease that caused the late Jerry Lewis to tell 5 year-olds they could die at any moment.

But if you think it’s tragic to be a child with a disability, try being a woman over 50 with a disability that only children are supposed to have.

Ingrid Tischer’s plight has been exacerbated by survival, leading to a poorly understood aspect of muscular dystrophy: Adult-Onset Maturity (AOM).  AOM syndrome is marked by behaviors that are considered high risk for parental pulling-away-fromness. Ingrid Tischer’s particularly virulent strain forces her to live with a “husband,” a “salary,” and has brought her to the brink of “creative work.”

B/w photo of FDR and Eleanor Roosevelt in an open car. He is doffing a top hat. They are both grinning. Text reads "Fuck "Normal"!It’s been suggested that Ingrid Tischer’s AOM was caused by legal protections that required public schools to educate students with disabilities, established the right to assisted-living in the community rather than institutionalization, and stocked the bottomless chum-bucket of litigation that is the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).

But as we’ve seen with the theory that Jenny McCarthy causes autism, correlation is not cause. Just because Ingrid Tischer had those legal protections is no reason to believe her contribution to society represents anything other than a new, terrifying mutation of a tragic defect.

What else besides disability does this Ingrid Tischer have going for her?

Ingrid Tischer is so much more than a person who’s not dead yet. She has exquisite taste in cross-disability civil rights policy, literature, and fatty cuts of meat.  If it’s writing about yourself in the third person, Mexican cheeses, and unsolicited public commentary you’re looking for, just try to do better than Ingrid Tischer.

Color photo of an utterly wilted miniature potted plant with a handwritten gift card reading "To: Ingrid" in front of it.What is the perfect surprise gift for Ingrid Tischer?

John Stossell, Anderson Cooper popping out of a giant block of government cheese and accusing her of disability fraud drive-by litigation.

Where is Ingrid Tischer right now? 

Ingrid Tischer lives in Berkeley, a city of grainy black and white footage shot in the 60s that airs periodically on public television during pledge week. Yes, Berkeley. The place some consider the “ground zero” of the independent living movement, that explosion in the early 70s that split public streets into car lanes, bike lanes, Rascal lanes, wheelchair lanes, service animal lanes, and disabled service animal wheelchair lanes. A place that pioneered curb cuts to facilitate fleeing from crazed hippies intent on outlawing your plastic shopping bags.

mCan you see Ingrid Tischer?

Although Ingrid Tischer is occasionally visible to the naked eye, you can’t see her because Ingrid Tischer is a dream we share.  You’ll see Ingrid Tischer when “bone broth” is no longer a thing. When “eating healthy,” is no longer acceptable usage.  When Ingrid Tischer gets as much bioethical concern about assisted living for people with disabilities as she does about assisted suicide.

Warnings:

IngridTischer® is a Class-I napazene known for it’s ability to bind with caffeine. IngridTischer® may cause wall-staring, cat envy, and thuggish metabolism. Do not take IngridTischer® if you have been exposed to genre fiction or are between jobs.

If you insist on knowing more about Ingrid Tischer, read this.

One thought on “Today’s Featured Post & About This So-Called “Ingrid Tischer”

  1. Pingback: The NotPeople Magazine Rationalest Man Alive Interview: Peter Singer Gets Nonpersonal With A Respironics Bi-Pap S/T | Tales From the Crip

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