#AssistedSuicide

Mr Ableism Proposes to Dispose of Miss Cripple Using the Sarco Death Pod

/ Ingrid Tischer / 2 Comments
deathstyles of the rich & abled, MALE-PATTERN BS, REGENCY CRIP LIT

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a neurodegenerative disease must be in want of an early death.

My dear Miss Cripple,
Illustration from Pride and aPrejudice with a standing Mr. Darcy and a seated Lizzie. Illustration now has Mr. Darcy offering a Sarco Death Pod and Lizzy sitting in a manual wheelchair,

Mr Abled’s proposal so enraged her that she could only reply, “You first, sir” when he presented her with a  Sarco Death Pod of betrothal.

Madam, in vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I pity you and plead you to accept my assistance  in hastening your death using the Sarco Death Pod on its Delicates & Gentlewomen setting.

In declaring myself thus, I am fully aware that I will be going expressly against the notion of a healthcare system that prioritizes people over profit, the rights of  many people with disabilities, and, I hardly need add, my own better judgment.

But, as you may have heard, “civil rights” for unfortunates such as yourself are now largely reserved for your demise.  Particularly when a gentleman such as your father has five daughters and only a small income. How may such as he afford to see your sisters wed if you and your costly care refuse to be dead? Continue reading →

Crips Are Dying to Save You Money With Easy Weeknight Euthanasia Policy

/ Ingrid Tischer / Leave a comment
deathstyles of the rich & abled, end-of-life merch
An old promotional graphic for the program, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous With Robin Leach that’s been altered to read, Deathstyles of the Rich and Abled With Robbin’ Leech. Art: Gold logo of The Deathstyles of the Rich and Abled with Robbin’ Leech against a black background. To the right is a doctored photo of Robin Leach in what can only be described as a casual tuxedo look, and holding a glass of champagne next to a table with a bottle of bubbly and a bowl of caviar with a tiered cake in the background and a huge bunch of flowers. Layered on top of Robbin’s face is a cutout of Marty Feldman’s face and a separate cutout of a filthy captain’s hat on top. There are about six flies buzzing about the whole graphic. Text: Two signs are on the wall. The gold one reads VIP RIP “End-of-Life Options & You” in Penthouse. Right below that is a dingy sign reading, No Elevator To Penthouse Stairs Only. Layered on Robbin’ is a bright yellow star-shaped quote, “It’s Champagne lifetimes and caviar deaths here on Deathstyles of the Rich and Abled!”AS SEEN ON NOT DEAD YET! [Editor’s Note: The article below does cut off abruptly. While it’s true that we couldn’t afford the editing to help it continue, this in no way implies that the cut-off was anything but the article’s choice to avoid the indignity of ending “like that.”]

Image Description: An excerpt from one of Cost Illustrated’s articles: “Easy Weeknight Euthanasia Policy With Pomegranate and Baked Meats.” This is a satirical article about how ableist public policy and the Sarco work together. It spoofs the real magazine’s test-kitchen narrative style and format.

Continue reading →

I Want Them to Want Me Because I Will Need Them to Need Me But If That’s Not Going to Work, I Want a Lawyer.

/ Ingrid Tischer / 1 Comment

There's No Cure for Gretchen Lowe

Every time Gretchen saw the DNR forms on her desk at home, a wave of resentment rose. How did she know what it was like to use a feeding tube? Or a ventilator? Or have minimal brain function, for god’s sake? It was like asking an eight year-old to sign up for – or against – puberty.
Choice was such bullshit. It wasn’t really her choice at all. The problem wasn’t too much extraordinary medical treatment, it was the limits of ordinary medicine to worry about, mostly financial. She didn’t have a problem being kept alive through artificial means now – she’d never seen a dollar bill push out of the dirt in spring – so she didn’t see any reason to assume she would resent it later on.

“Dear Valued Healthcare Provider,

“I’m glad everybody’s so concerned about honoring my choices. I choose to have my medical care continue regardless of ability to pay or insurance coverage, deductibles, prescription benefits, or other cost issues….”

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Mortha Stewart Is Serving Up Romance In Philip Nitschke’s Sarco Death Pod

/ Ingrid Tischer / Leave a comment
deathstyles of the rich & abled, end-of-life merch, male-pattern bs
“All I had left to do was reposition my newly lifeless rival in the Sarco Death Pod (now available in Careless Whisper Red) as if she were a peaceful brisket nestled in a crock-pot, and it was set-it-and-forget-it time while plausible deniability downloaded into my beloved’s shattered consciousness.”
A parody cover of Martha Stewart Living magazine called Martha Stewart Dying. Please scroll all the way down for the full alt-text description of this image.
mortha’s dark forces                                                            jan/feb 2023

a rage room of one’s own

Martha Stewart smiling and sitting at a cluttered craft desk surrounded by materialsToday I’m going to teach you how Philip Nitschke’s wonderful Sarco Death Pod can remove a love rival from your life without leaving a hole that anyone will notice. There are people you so look forward to sending to hell and I want to share with you how I achieved one of my most very special triumphs. It’s a love letter, straight from my heart.
A project like this always starts in my rage room, where I do all my planning and keep all of my tools neatly organized. My favorite tool by far for eliminating the unwanted is Philip Nitschke’s Sarco Death Pod. A true multi-tasker, the Sarco can go from ending a life, to storing the body, to being server-ware that you’re proud to display your loved one in at the viewing.
I trust that the dying process inside the Sarco Death Pod is not only painless but euphoric because it’s still-animate creator, Philip Nitschke, says that it is. He knows because there is not a single negative review on Yelp from people who have used the Sarco Death Pod. Not one person has complained that their Sarco didn’t cause them to die by asphyxiation in around five minutes. Give or take a few last moments that – fingers crossed! – weren’t the mother of all nightmares in your oxygen-deprived consciousness. But you’ll look peaceful on the outside!
Continue reading →