What this image is: A parody of a Dyson vacuum cleaner print ad and commercial with company founder James Dyson

Dysoon logo in top right corner. Underneath is a small graphic of a green coffin with a blue ribbon #1 on it and another parody logo: ER Exhumer Reports

Photo to the left of the figure is a casually seated body of James Dyson with the head of an ancient statue of Thanatos, god of the easy death. Text on the figure’s leg is © Ingrid Tischer 2022

A yellow cartoon star in the center of the ad has a red maple leaf and reads: Ships free to Canada!

The left upper half of the ad reads:

“As the minor Greek god in charge of easy deaths, I knew there had to be a less frustrating way to end worthless disabled lives than the Sarco Death Pod or Kevorkian Thanatron. So I created the Dysoon Void 3000 vacuum with thanatonic cyclone technology™, dignity injector, and no body-bags that need replacing.

“I just think the proper people should die properly.”

Signature: Sir Thanatos Dysoon

Sir Thanatos Dysoon

Inventor of Thanatonic Cyclone Technology™

The bottom left half of the ad reads:

What makes the Dysoon Void 3000 superior?

It’s simple: Thanatonic cyclone technology meets Spartan economics and American euphamasia.

The Sarco Death Pod and Kevorkian Thanatron have crude utilitarian metal rollers and gimcrack rationality that meat-sacks get caught in and consciousness is bored by. These life-enders lose air-flow quickly, leaving you with no suction after trying to end the lives of just one or two useless eaters who are now stuck between death and life.

The Dysoon Void 3000 with dignity injection separates the consciousness from the meat-sack efficiently and without any attachments. No rollers means no loss of suction. Crips don’t get clogged so there’s no haunting or zombie-ing. Just launch the consciousness into the void, empty the meat-sack compactor, and keep reminding yourself that you’re not like them.

Say good-bye to the body-bag.

The bottom right half of the ad:

Image of a rough sketch of an upright vacuum surrounded with handwritten notations of its various components and features.

Starting at the bottom and moving upward from side to side the components and features are:

Dignity injector

Ableism depersonator

Euthanasia policy activator

Human rights bypass valve

Categorical imperative kill switch

Meat-sack compactor

Positraction bioethical power differential (3000 series only)

Make-a-deathwish data port

Body-bagless thanatonic cyclone separator

Consciousness void launcher