Matt Damon Hails Diversity in Gus Van Sant’s Narrative, Says:  Don’t Worry, Casting Joaquin Phoenix in Your Story of Charles Bukowski John Callahan, an Angry, Alcoholic, Tortured-Artist White Guy With an Adoring and Need-Free Girlfriend Who Supports His Artistry Is Totally a Fresh Take and Janky Wheelchair Is a Genius Casting Choice, Lending Rare Authenticity to the Project, and Giving a Raw Performance of Startling Gravitas Seldom Seen From a Piece of Durable Medical Equipment (DME)

Also: Muffin Baskets of Condolence for the Death of Any Attempt to Cast Disabled Actors or, Like, Even One of the [NUMBER REDACTED] Wheelchair-Using Actors Currently in the Business of Show, May Be Sent to the “Association to Raise Awareness of Disability Awareness in the Entertainment Industry” at Their Offices, Which Are, No Doubt, Located on the Second Floor of a Building Without An Elevator. 

FOR YOUR CONDESCENSION, we present:

Wheelchair Barfly

DISCLAIMER:  All snark, snottiness, sarcasm, and snappy sardonicism contained therein is directed solely at Gus Van Sant’s directorial choices regarding He Won’t Get Far on Foot (originally titled, My Own Private Solipsism) and not toward John Callahan, who was, in FARC’s opinion, one funny fucker. Even when he was wrong, he was hilariously wrong:

Courtesy John Callahan

FuckAbility™ Research Council (FARC) is a piece of letterhead housed on the Tales From the Crip website. FARC’s mission is to raise awareness of hollywood’s lack of awareness that many disabled adults fuck in groups of one or more. All views expressed are subject to change and denial.