Stragedy

Mortha Stewart Is Serving Up Romance In Philip Nitschke’s Sarco Death Pod

/ Ingrid Tischer / Leave a comment
deathstyles of the rich & abled, end-of-life merch, male-pattern bs
“All I had left to do was reposition my newly lifeless rival in the Sarco Death Pod (now available in Careless Whisper Red) as if she were a peaceful brisket nestled in a crock-pot, and it was set-it-and-forget-it time while plausible deniability downloaded into my beloved’s shattered consciousness.”
A parody cover of Martha Stewart Living magazine called Martha Stewart Dying. Please scroll all the way down for the full alt-text description of this image.
mortha’s dark forces                                                            jan/feb 2023

a rage room of one’s own

Martha Stewart smiling and sitting at a cluttered craft desk surrounded by materialsToday I’m going to teach you how Philip Nitschke’s wonderful Sarco Death Pod can remove a love rival from your life without leaving a hole that anyone will notice. There are people you so look forward to sending to hell and I want to share with you how I achieved one of my most very special triumphs. It’s a love letter, straight from my heart.
A project like this always starts in my rage room, where I do all my planning and keep all of my tools neatly organized. My favorite tool by far for eliminating the unwanted is Philip Nitschke’s Sarco Death Pod. A true multi-tasker, the Sarco can go from ending a life, to storing the body, to being server-ware that you’re proud to display your loved one in at the viewing.
I trust that the dying process inside the Sarco Death Pod is not only painless but euphoric because it’s still-animate creator, Philip Nitschke, says that it is. He knows because there is not a single negative review on Yelp from people who have used the Sarco Death Pod. Not one person has complained that their Sarco didn’t cause them to die by asphyxiation in around five minutes. Give or take a few last moments that – fingers crossed! – weren’t the mother of all nightmares in your oxygen-deprived consciousness. But you’ll look peaceful on the outside!
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NotPeople Magazine Presents: Star Trek: The Next Intervention

/ Ingrid Tischer / 7 Comments
NotPeople Magazine cover with a picture of a pleading Captain Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Top reads: "The Assisted Suicide Policy Intervention Issue!" Side-by-side with photos text: "Captain Picard Intervenes & It's Patrick Stewart HOT!"Captain’s Log: Stardate 20150808.naptime. The Enterprise is en route after refueling at Carnitas in the Al-Pastor system, but before reaching the Reflux Cluster, we’ve picked up a warning call from the Federation ship Ventilator. The decoded message tells us that a pro-assisted suicide ship, The Good Death, is in the vicinity. We’ve sent them the standard response, U-1st, but The Good Death remains as quiet as a tomb. Then it suddenly appeared on the Bridge’s screen.
Captain Picard on the bridge looking toward the screen.“Tell me what I’m looking at on the screen and how that man can STILL be so damnably handsome.”

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