Dear Hunter Girley Brown, Why does my fiance’s voice sound reasonable even when he’s saying stupid shit?                              Signed, Male-Pattern BS

Dear Male-Pattern BS, 

I was shacked up pretty tight with Gail Farrell and Dick Dale [← Play me!] outside Amarillo testing Clinique moisturizers on armadillos in the vicinity, shooting the empty bottles and waiting to see if there were any noticeable decreases in fine lines and wrinkles, refreshing myself periodically with a scant paper-bagful of Super-Hold AquaNet. A couple hours, maybe three weeks later the results were in and yeah those poor bastards were slow-roasted. A reminder to all not to baste your test-lizards in emollient-rich beauty products outside during the hotter months. 

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