male-pattern BS

Mr Ableism Proposes to Dispose of Miss Cripple Using the Sarco Death Pod

/ Ingrid Tischer / 3 Comments
deathstyles of the rich & abled, MALE-PATTERN BS, REGENCY CRIP LIT

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a neurodegenerative disease must be in want of an early death.

My dear Miss Cripple,
Illustration from Pride and aPrejudice with a standing Mr. Darcy and a seated Lizzie. Illustration now has Mr. Darcy offering a Sarco Death Pod and Lizzy sitting in a manual wheelchair,

Mr Abled’s proposal so enraged her that she could only reply, “You first, sir” when he presented her with a  Sarco Death Pod of betrothal.

Madam, in vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I pity you and plead you to accept my assistance  in hastening your death using the Sarco Death Pod on its Delicates & Gentlewomen setting.

In declaring myself thus, I am fully aware that I will be going expressly against the notion of a healthcare system that prioritizes people over profit, the rights of  many people with disabilities, and, I hardly need add, my own better judgment.

But, as you may have heard, “civil rights” for unfortunates such as yourself are now largely reserved for your demise.  Particularly when a gentleman such as your father has five daughters and only a small income. How may such as he afford to see your sisters wed if you and your costly care refuse to be dead? Continue reading →

Useless Eaters Don’t Get Stuck Between Life and Death With the Dysoon Void 3000 Vacuum. But Is It Better Than the Sarco Death Pod?

/ Ingrid Tischer / Leave a comment
deathstyles of the rich & abled, end-of-life merch, male-pattern bs

Parody of a Dyson vacuum cleaner ad, targeting equipment used for assisted suicide. Please scroll down for a complete image description.

image description
What this image is: A parody of a Dyson vacuum cleaner print ad and commercial with company founder James Dyson

Continue reading →

Mortha Stewart Is Serving Up Romance In Philip Nitschke’s Sarco Death Pod

/ Ingrid Tischer / Leave a comment
deathstyles of the rich & abled, end-of-life merch, male-pattern bs
“All I had left to do was reposition my newly lifeless rival in the Sarco Death Pod (now available in Careless Whisper Red) as if she were a peaceful brisket nestled in a crock-pot, and it was set-it-and-forget-it time while plausible deniability downloaded into my beloved’s shattered consciousness.”
A parody cover of Martha Stewart Living magazine called Martha Stewart Dying. Please scroll all the way down for the full alt-text description of this image.
mortha’s dark forces                                                            jan/feb 2023

a rage room of one’s own

Martha Stewart smiling and sitting at a cluttered craft desk surrounded by materialsToday I’m going to teach you how Philip Nitschke’s wonderful Sarco Death Pod can remove a love rival from your life without leaving a hole that anyone will notice. There are people you so look forward to sending to hell and I want to share with you how I achieved one of my most very special triumphs. It’s a love letter, straight from my heart.
A project like this always starts in my rage room, where I do all my planning and keep all of my tools neatly organized. My favorite tool by far for eliminating the unwanted is Philip Nitschke’s Sarco Death Pod. A true multi-tasker, the Sarco can go from ending a life, to storing the body, to being server-ware that you’re proud to display your loved one in at the viewing.
I trust that the dying process inside the Sarco Death Pod is not only painless but euphoric because it’s still-animate creator, Philip Nitschke, says that it is. He knows because there is not a single negative review on Yelp from people who have used the Sarco Death Pod. Not one person has complained that their Sarco didn’t cause them to die by asphyxiation in around five minutes. Give or take a few last moments that – fingers crossed! – weren’t the mother of all nightmares in your oxygen-deprived consciousness. But you’ll look peaceful on the outside!
Continue reading →

Low-Residency Relationship Expert Hunter Girley Brown Answers Your Questions About Fear and Loathing in the Boudoir: BS in the Key of Masculine Reasonableness

/ Ingrid Tischer / Leave a comment

Dear HB/w photo of a white woman trying to look like Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein. Title text is Gonzopolitan @2018talesfromthecrip.org. Low-Residency Relationship Expert Hunter Girley Brown Answers Your Questions About Fear & Loathing in the Boudoirunter Girley Brown, Why does my fiance’s voice sound reasonable even when he’s saying stupid shit?                              Signed, Male-Pattern BS

Dear Male-Pattern BS, 
I was shacked up pretty tight with Gail Farrell and Dick Dale [← Play me!] outside Amarillo testing Clinique moisturizers on armadillos in the vicinity, shooting the empty bottles and waiting to see if there were any noticeable decreases in fine lines and wrinkles, refreshing myself periodically with a scant paper-bagful of Super-Hold AquaNet. A couple hours, maybe three weeks later the results were in and yeah those poor bastards were slow-roasted. A reminder to all not to baste your test-lizards in emollient-rich beauty products outside during the hotter months. 

Continue reading →