In Which the FuckAbility™ Research Council DisRespectfully Suggests Tom Colicchio Was High When He Allowed a Cooking Challenge to be Held at 7,500 Feet Above Sea Level Given That One Cheftestant Was Pregnant and Two Others Were Using C-PAPs

Please pack your ableism and go

(The Height of Ignorance, CO)  In a shocking twist, a pregnant woman and two men who don’t breathe great found this week’s battle to be a literally uphill one when they were dumped on a friggin’ mountaintop site where Lando Calrissian is planning to break ground for his Cloud City Diner. The guest judge, Ivan Denisovich Shukhov, announced the week’s challenge: Make a truly memorable dish for your own memorial service.

And — as every *real* chef should be able to do — pitch a tent in deep snow, walk around in the snow, endure freezing temperatures for over 24 hours, and manipulate sharp implements with exposed hands.

it’s even money at this point whether top chef knows that the “chilling effect” of asinine workplace practices and attitudes on women and disabled workers won’t be corrected with a thermostat.

With all due dis-respect to restaurant kitchen tradition and gulags everywhere, fuck that noise. Just because Leann still won episode 5 doesn’t make it acceptable that she had to forfeit the rest of the competition in episode 6. Seriously, she’s a fucking powerhouse and you fucked with the career trajectory of a hard-working woman chef of color. Yeah, she knew what the challenge was and, yeah, it was her pregnancy. So? That’s quite a fucking choice for her, isn’t it?

Pregnancy is not, in itself, disabling, but Top Chef served up an excellent example of how fluid the experience of “having a disability” is. It’s even money at this point whether Top Chef knows that the “chilling effect” of asinine workplace practices and attitudes on women and disabled workers won’t be corrected with a thermostat.

Also — if you’re into “curing” a disability, all you have to do is not require stupid and unnecessary stunts — like living and cooking outside in sub-freezing temperatures at a 7,500 foot altitude.

Tell you what, Top Chef, YOU take the FuckAbility™ Workplace Challenge:

1. Have YOUR breathing restricted to the point where you can’t think straight and you can’t walk a straight line.

2. Do any fucking thing at all.

3. Repeat as required.

4. Hold your fucking shit together when you realize the fucking workplace challenge itself, and pretty much the whole notions of ability and success, could well fucking kill you.

The challenge? Oh yeah, the challenge. There never was any real challenge. You were fucked before you began. Good luck!

 AND PS TOM COLICCHIO:

Do you remember this episode?

The One Where the White Guy Loses His Shit and Wins the Contest While All of the Women of Color Are Gracious As Fuck and Do Extra Work

The photo is from Season 11’s finale, when Gail Simmons and David Kinch are treated to hearing (male, white, visitor) Nicholas Elmi lose his absolute shit and scream at his servers (who are women of color and his HOSTS) loudly enough for the dining room to hear. In a shocking twist, you, Tom Colicchio later rule that Elmi should win because Top Chef is about being a cook, not a leader, and passion blah blah blah, and (not-white, female) Nina Compton lost.

This whole shebang was apparently so unremarkable to you that you haven’t connected your own betrayal of female restaurant staff to the toxic workplace culture you condemn in 2017, or how stupid and unnecessary stunt-cooking like living outside in sub-freezing temperatures at a 7500 feet altitude would, effectively, push-out pregnant chefs.

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FUCKABILITY™ RESEARCH COUNCIL (FARC) IS A PIECE OF LETTERHEAD HOUSED ON THE TALES FROM THE CRIP WEBSITE. FARC’S MISSION IS TO RAISE AWARENESS OF HOLLYWOOD’S LACK OF AWARENESS THAT MANY DISABLED ADULTS FUCK IN GROUPS OF ONE OR MORE. ALL VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE AND DENIAL.